When and if you choose to join the ChildSURVIVORS forum/list, we welcome you with open supportive, loving hearts and listening ears. You will be entering a circle of family and friends who have made their way on a journey that has often times been harsh and painful; all of the members here have been abused either physically, sexually, mentally, emotionally or ritualistically or they are supporting abused persons. ChildSURVIVORS is an encompassing safe forum where you can share, support and recover from unresolved issues. As members, we each have found our own ways of surviving our experiences and we come together to share our struggles of long ago and the remnants that are still with us today. You are welcome here wherever you are on your journey; we ask that you be respectful to all you meet here in listening and honoring wherever each one is on their particular path. With your participation, ChildSURVIVORS can be a sanctuary rich in understanding and support with empowerment, freedom, prevention and education for all survivors and those who support survivors as its foundation; for with these things we can find our own LIGHT and LOVE within and become beacons for those who walk beside us, come behind us or even carry us on our own journeys. In the interest of safety for all, if you choose to behave in unsupportive or disrespectful ways, staff will warn you via email and if you choose to continue doing so, you may find yourself removed from the forum/list. Inner children and child-alters (ICCAs) are welcome here and this is explained below. Please remember everyone has unique dynamics that create their self image. Ultimately, it is OK to be who you are, whether you choose to grow from your developmental level or not, yet, it is hoped that this forum will offer you a greater understanding of how you view yourself
UNDERSTANDING INNER CHILDREN AND CHILD-ALTERS (ICCAs)
IN THIS DOMAIN
Meeting and working with ICCAs is a common feature in most places where Survivors gather..
ICCAs are complex internal personality mechanisms and their appearance and expression is often important for our recovery.
In general the ages of ICCAs range from birth up to late teens and corresponding with them in a manner appropriate to their ICCA age is most helpful.
We have some rules and boundaries that we adhere to in ensuring safety and comfort for ICCAs as well as all other members.
1. "Let me be who I am." Honor and respect the right of others to regress or to switch to ICCA personalities.
2. "Let me call myself who I am in the moment and trust that I will follow the rules." Different nicknames are allowed for and gender changes are acceptable here.
3. "No making fun of me or you." We respect the language and grammar used.
4. "Hear me and know I'm not lying." Respecting the experiences shared and feelings expressed in our own language and our own way and assuming them to have an integral authenticity even when that is not clear to you is important.
5. "Don't talk about me anywhere else." Confidentiality is vital for trust building.
6. "Let me say as much or as little as I want or need to." Give ICCAs the right to pass on or ignore messages or enquiries.
7. "Don't take control of my life, and don't hassle or hurt me for doing what I do." The only controls allowed are those on language and behavior that apply generally to members and which are outlined in the member agreement.
No scolding, chiding, criticizing, dependency-building, disciplining, controlling or harassing; no cyber-smacks or cyber-chastising of any kind. No arbitrary withholding of affection where it once was present. Maintaining of child/adult relationships is to always be in the control of the child.
8. "Care about me. I have a right to be loved". Be warm and supportive.
9. "I am not an adult, so do not expect me to be like one or do adult things." Acknowledging the ICCA's limitations
as a child personality and not expecting them to take on the kind of responsibilities that they might do as the adult gives them permission to be a child.
10. "Don't touch me or ask me to touch you in icky ways ever! Even if you are trying to be nice and not icky, if I ask you to stop touching me, then stop. Don't try to get me to touch you if I don't want to." Honoring the ICCAs right not to be sexualised in any way is very important therefore, sexual approaches to ICCAs of any kind are absolutely forbidden
11. "Don't hug me, hold my hand or nothin' unless I say it's okay." Respecting the ICCAs need to give permission for non-sexual touching such as cyber-hugs, cyber-hand-holding or anything else and their right to withdraw it is vital to our recovery. Please ask before cyber-hugging an ICCA if you don't already know it is acceptable.
a) If you need to contact the adult or the host personality of an ICCA this should be done with great care and circumspection. If you believe you may be sending to an ICCA, you should be aware that there could be a child, and sometimes an upset or disturbed child, receiving your message.
b) If you have any questions about these ground rules, or want help with understanding them, feel free to contact one of us........Kathi or Mary D.
I Agree, Continue