Developmental Life Phases

My friend Mary D. was good enough to pass this along so that we could all enjoy the following words of wisdom. It is my personal mission to provide the tools when available to obtain a healthier life for all who seek it.


AGE RANGE: Conception to birth - The foundation of our life is set at conception & carries on through birth, as we grow, change & develop.

1. I am wanted and lovable.

2. I am female.

3. I am growing.

4. I am whole.

5. I am separate.

6. I am strong & healthy.

7. I am bright and beautiful.

8. I enjoy my body & move it freely.

9. I can be as close as I need to be.

10. I know what I need & how to get my needs met in a healthy manner.

11. I know what I am feeling & can express my feelings.

12. I am entitled to be taken care of in healthy ways.





AGE RANGE: 0-6 months old - It's okay for me to be here, to be fed, touched and taken care of.

1. I have a right to be here.

2. My needs are okay with you.

3. You're glad I'm a girl.

4. I don't have to hurry, I can take my time.

5. You like to hold me, be near me and touch me.

6. I belong here.

7. You are glad I am alive.

8. I can grow @ my own pace.

9. I can feel all my feelings.

10. You are glad I am me.

11. What I need is important to you.

12. You love me and you care for me willingly.


Hurry Up and Grow Up

May be afraid of helplessness & dependency

May protect scared self with anger or depression to keep people distant.

May protect self by acting powerful, strong, scary & cold.


Don't Grow Up

May identify self as someone who is too scared to think.

May decide that knowing who we are & using all our power means abandonment.

May act scared & incompetent to keep people close.




AT TIMES OF: Illness, tiredness, hurt or vulnerability.

1. I'm glad to see you! Hello!

2. It's okay for you to feel your feelings, I'll help you and sympathize.

3. You look nice. You're pretty.

4. You can do that for enjoyment - you don't have to rush through it.

5. Want me to hold you? How about a big hug?


AGE RANGE: 6-18 months old - It's okay for me to move out in the world, to explore, to feed my senses and be taken care of.

1. I can get attention and approval & still act the way I really feel.

2. I can do things and get support at the same time.

3. It's okay to explore and to experiment.

4. It's okay for me to initiate.

5. I can be curious and intuitive.

6. I can know what I know.

7. I can explore & experiment & you will support & protect me.

8. You like to watch me initiate & grow & learn.

9. I can be interested in everything.

10. I can do things as many times as I need to.

11. I can use all of my senses when I explore.

12. You love me when I am active & when I am quiet.



Hurry Up & Grow Up

May become agitated & rushed when doing things, as if doing anything must necessarily be at the expense of nurturing or pleasure.


Don't Grow Up

May act dependent, needy, & passive instead of exploring or doing things.

May base our actions on what others expect instead of what we need or feel.



AT TIMES OF: Starting a new job, a new relationship or learning a new skill.

1. You don't have to act tired to get nurtured; I can help you.

2. You can celebrate things simply.

3. You can go ahead and do what you want and I will help you with what you need help with.



AGE RANGE: 18 months to 3 years - It's okay for me to push & test, to find out limits, to say no and become separate from you.

1. You're glad I'm growing up.

2. I can let people know when I feel angry.

3. I can think about my feelings, and I can feel about my thinking.

4. I can think for myself... I don't have to take care of other people by thinking for them.

5. I don't have to be uncertain, I can be sure about what I need.

6. You're glad I'm starting to think for myself.

7. I can know what I need & ask for help.

8. I can think & feel at the same time.

9. I can learn to think for myself & you will think for yourself.

10. I can say no & push & test limits as much as I need to.

11. It's okay for me to be angry & you won't let me hurt myself or others.

12. I can become separate from you & you will continue to love me.



Hurry Up and Grow Up

May attempt to control space around us by taking a strong position, being opinionated or intimidating others.


Don't Grow Up

May act agreeable and charming instead of thinking for ourselves.

May give up control of self & space around us as a way to avoid having own position.



AT TIMES OF: When doing cause and effect thinking, becoming independent

or developing a new personal position.

1. You can start a new career now.

2. Listen and accept; don't change the subject until I'm through talking.

3. I'm scared too. Let's think about what we can do.

4. Your success and my self-esteem are separate.

5. I can learn the new skills that I need even if others think it's unnecessary.


AGE RANGE: 3-6 years - It's okay for me to have my own view of the world, to be who I am and to test my power.

1. I can be powerful and still have needs.

2. I don't have to act scary or sick or sad or mad to get taken care of.

3. It's okay for me to explore who I am. It's important for me to find out what I'm about.

4. It's okay to imagine things without being afraid I'll make them come true.

5. It's okay to find out the consequences of my own behavior.

6. I can explore who I am & find out who other people are.

7. I can try out different roles & ways of being powerful.

8. I can find out the results of my behavior.

9. All of my feelings are okay with you.

10. I can be powerful & ask for help at the same time.

11. I can learn what is pretend & what is real.

12. You love who I am.



Hurry Up and Grow Up

May avoid the testing necessary to create identity or to find out the consequences actions.

May create identity which defines self as not having needs.

May use thinking to avoid feeling emotional hunger.


Don't Grow Up

May identify self as someone who is too of scared to think.

May decide that knowing who we are & using all our power means abandonment.

May feel scared without knowing what we are scared of.



AT TIMES OF: Owning own power to be who we are & to ask straight for what we need; for giving up old & inadequate ways of dealing with life or giving up crutches & incorporating healthier ways or changing personal identity.

1. You can be competitive on the job & still asked to be pampered sometimes.

2. You can know when you are tired and get rest before you get sick.

3. Tell me how you feel; I won't be shocked.


AGE RANGE: 6-12 years old - It's okay for me to learn how to do things my own way, to have my own morals and methods.

1. I can think before I make that my way.

2. I can trust my feelings to guide me.

3. I can do it my way.

4. I don't have to suffer to get what I need.

5. It's okay to disagree.

6. I can find a new way of doing things that works for me.

7. I can trust my intuition to help me decide what to do.

8. I can think for myself & get help instead of staying in distress.

9. I can learn when and how to disagree.

10. I can think before I say yes or no & learn from my mistakes.

11. I can learn the rules that help me live with others.

12. I can love me even when I differ - I love growing with me!



Hurry Up and Grow Up

May act skilled, competent, perfect, but feel scared & incompetent.

May relate to others opinions, arguing, discussing arguing, discussing morals.

May use personal values to reject others.

Don't Grow Up

May act little, incompetent, hiding what we think.

May relate to others by with pointing out our own lack of skill compared to them.



AT TIMES OF: When entering new social settings, learning new ways of doing things or for changing values.

1. You don't have to agree with me; you can disagree without trying to change me.

2. You've tried using logic, now trust your feelings.

3. Here it is - get the job done!

4. Let's collect lots of opinions before we decide.

5. You don't have to work all the time to please me.

6. I like you any way you are.



AGE RANGE: 13-18 years old - It's okay for me to be sexual, to have a place among grown-ups and to succeed.

1. I can be a sexual person and still have needs.

2. It's okay to be responsible for my own needs, feelings and behavior.

3. It's okay to be on my own.

4. I am welcome to come home again.

5. Your love goes with me.

6. I can know who I am and learn and practice skills for independence.

7. I can learn the difference between sex and nurturing and be responsible
for my needs and behavior.

8. I can develop my own interests, relationships and causes.

9. I can learn to use old skills in new ways.

10. I can grow in my femaleness and still be dependent at times.

11. You look forward to knowing me as an adult.

12. Your love is always with me. You trust me to ask for your support.



Hurry Up and Grow Up

May use sexuality to get dependency needs met (which is ill-fated because it is an angry, grown-up attempt to meet the needs of our own internal frightened Child).

Don't Grow Up

May use nurturing & being taken care of to avoid sexual needs.



AT TIMES OF: When pulling up roots, making relationship separations

and being a sexual person.

1. It's okay to feel sexually excited & know you can act or not on your feelings.

2. It's okay to find out what you want to do with your life next.

3. You can find new strengths & abilities and I will still love you.

4. You are important to me and I love you!


AGE RANGE: Adult - It's okay to continue growing and to get support no matter what age, to update your life plan and to repeat previous stages in order to carry out your own developmental tasks.

1. My needs are important.

2. I can be uniquely myself and honor the uniqueness of others.

3. I can be independent and interdependent.

4. Through the years I can expand my commitments to my own growth, to my family,

my friends, my community and to all humankind.

5. I can build and examine my commitments to my values and causes, my roles and my tasks.

6. I can be responsible for my contributions to each of my commitments.

7. I can be creative, competent, productive and joyful.

8. I can trust my inner wisdom.

9. I can say my hellos and good-byes to people, roles, dreams and decisions.

10. I can finish each part of my journey and look forward to the next.

11. My love matures and expands.

12. I am lovable at every age.



Hurry Up and Grow Up

May avoid dependency needs & push ourselves to do things before carrying out necessary preparation.


Don't Grow Up

May lollygag around, waiting to get things "perfect" which distracts us from our tasks & goals.

May keep ourselves dependent by responding to others' needs & requests instead of doing what we need to do for ourselves.


AT TIMES OF: When I want to continue to grow and be accountable for creating and accomplishing my own life structure, goals and vision. 


Stages and scripts by Pam Levin and affirmations by Pam Levin and Jean Illsley-Clarke